Thinking about this moment of weirdness, of corona virus, I've thought about writing. I started something last week, but then, tiredness overcame me and I didn't get anywhere. This morning - though actually, it was 2 pm -- I began again and realized something about this blog. I tend to process life's events after-the-fact. If you are someone who makes sense or meaning out of things, certainly, it's a logical way to go. But now, in this moment, well...our "after" is a long way away. We are in the midst, and I need to readjust my lens.
The wave hits me; it's dread. I know dread. We're old friends. Someone told me a couple of days ago that now, I need to disinfect all my groceries and it set me off.
"WHAT?! NOW I need to disinfect my FOOD???" I exploded.
Immediately, I thought: Screw that. I'm done. I'm not cleaning my damn groceries.
But of course, I gave in. Now, I'm wiping down my groceries.
This is about control, something we think we have, but rarely do. And the thing about this phase, for lack of a better word, is that what's throwing us off is the rapidly changing scenario. The best analogy I can compare it to is when I delivered my second child who came so quickly that there was no time for an epidural. There were waves of pain that I didn't expect, couldn't control, and it was terrifying. There had been a plan or at least, a basic idea, but life threw that out of the window.
And the thing about this moment? I don't know what I am terrified about and I really, really resent that. We are living in this time where every person I know if doing as much as they can to be rational, considerate, helpful and honestly: creative...for which I am just in awe. And yet, there are these waves of dread.
When I think about getting sick, I am not afraid for myself. I worry about others, especially the phenomenal, superhuman heroes: the doctors, nurses, chaplains...and all those who are working on the front line of life.
For those who grew up in dysfunctional families, the abnormal is normal. This feels all too familiar.
We have an administration that takes dysfunction to new lows. I'm not going to say any more than that. I am skipping most of the news because it serves no purpose except to hit me in the gut and I don't need that.
My favorite novel is Love in a Time of Cholera by Nobel prize winner author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. There are many reasons to love it but for me, someone who believes in perseverance against all odds, it is glorious. It literally IS about a man who loves deeply in a time of cholera an endures greatly to be with his love. As we say where I work: That'll preach.
I mention it because it feels resonant. I hold to the sense of what always draws me back to his glorious prose: that sense of wonder and joy after enduring.
SO, we are in the midst, friends. Our "new normal", as some say. There are waves that hit us, then break.
I am still here and I hope you are, too. Holding us all up in love.
Peace.
But of course, I gave in. Now, I'm wiping down my groceries.
This is about control, something we think we have, but rarely do. And the thing about this phase, for lack of a better word, is that what's throwing us off is the rapidly changing scenario. The best analogy I can compare it to is when I delivered my second child who came so quickly that there was no time for an epidural. There were waves of pain that I didn't expect, couldn't control, and it was terrifying. There had been a plan or at least, a basic idea, but life threw that out of the window.
And the thing about this moment? I don't know what I am terrified about and I really, really resent that. We are living in this time where every person I know if doing as much as they can to be rational, considerate, helpful and honestly: creative...for which I am just in awe. And yet, there are these waves of dread.
When I think about getting sick, I am not afraid for myself. I worry about others, especially the phenomenal, superhuman heroes: the doctors, nurses, chaplains...and all those who are working on the front line of life.
For those who grew up in dysfunctional families, the abnormal is normal. This feels all too familiar.
We have an administration that takes dysfunction to new lows. I'm not going to say any more than that. I am skipping most of the news because it serves no purpose except to hit me in the gut and I don't need that.
My favorite novel is Love in a Time of Cholera by Nobel prize winner author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. There are many reasons to love it but for me, someone who believes in perseverance against all odds, it is glorious. It literally IS about a man who loves deeply in a time of cholera an endures greatly to be with his love. As we say where I work: That'll preach.
I mention it because it feels resonant. I hold to the sense of what always draws me back to his glorious prose: that sense of wonder and joy after enduring.
SO, we are in the midst, friends. Our "new normal", as some say. There are waves that hit us, then break.
I am still here and I hope you are, too. Holding us all up in love.
Peace.
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