December: 2020 ~ Corona virus is raging. I know. This isn't news.
As I write this, 1.54 MILLION people have died worldwide, 282,000 of which were in the US. Vaccines are coming and amazingly, they seem to be able do the thing we want them to do -- which is to work. But vaccines coming are not the same as vaccines here and of course, there's more to it than that. We need everyone to agree to get one. We also need to stay smart the whole time those vaccines go to work. While this future is not a mirage, it's also not yet here. We still got weeks and months to go with all this, all the virtual classes, virtual dinners, virtual religious gatherings, virtual...everything.
I'm tired of COVID. Talking about it, working around it, fearing it. Just sick of it. I almost didn't start this entry. Honestly, more of this???
But I realized something today, and it nudged me.
In the last few weeks and months, people have offered the phrase "Covid blessing" in conversation. I have heard it said as gratitude for time not spent commuting, for time not having to travel for business, for not having to spend excessive time and money on clothes. Much of the commonality here is a sense of found time, which for some has been a surprising delight after many years of facing employment expectations in a prescribed -- or at least routine -- way. Everything changed and the world opened up, rather than closed.
As someone who commuted between 3-4 hours each day, I understand that response, but I can't call it a covid blessing. Though grateful for less time commuting, I know this was a shift, but for me not a terrifying plummet into unemployment which it has been for so many.
People have written about what they've done: baking, gardening, crafting, running, reading. For some, it sounds like self-sufficiency; for others, a necessary escape. Both sound valid. I hope when the "after" time comes -- whatever that means -- those things don't fall away. I've always seen them as vital and nourishing. But even this is what I think of as life, not a special blessing.
Recently, a group I was talking with (Zoom meeting, of course) began to talk about attendance for virtual religious services. We realized that while not quite all the "regulars" were attending, almost as many were, and more importantly, those who were seem more engaged than in recent memory. Also, people from all around the country were joining services because they could. Numbers have stayed solid. Some organizations are gaining. It' seemed surprising, given what virtual gatherings are.
Virtual gatherings on first glance are something-not. They are not in person, so therefore, not real. Less than. And if you are someone who periodically sees the words: Connection to wifi is unstable floating on your screen. well, Zoom meetings can go from just "different" to ungodly stressful. How quickly can you type in the chat: I'm about to lose wifi. If I disconnect, I will get back as quickly as I can. (?)
But here's the thing. At a fairly intimate meeting last week, during which some very personal information was shared -- and tears were shed -- someone observed that even using Zoom as our connector, the feelings were as real and honest as they could ever be "in person". The truth is: we ARE in person. We are just using technology to relay our humanness.
I have had many virtual meetings, gatherings, and services in the last months. What struck me today was that we've had new people attending our church, and I am getting to know them better and more quickly than I probably would in a non-Covid time. There may be multiple reasons why this is true; certainly, people who are showing up want to show up. They are making a choice to be engaged. But at the very heart of it is something incredibly simply: we are literally seeing each other.
In a normal week, no matter where I sit in a group, I am only seeing the faces of a few people. Even in a round-table setting, I am closer to some than others. In a Zoom meeting, it is a level playing field. Face forward, we are with each other. We are seeing each other.
Yes, I know. Some stay off camera. Me, too. I like wearing sweats to church and when I do, it's an off-camera presence.
But I feel like there is something so basic, so wonderful about just seeing everyone. Simultaneously. Though I know there is nuance of body language that gets missed, I also think for some, there is also a comfort and safety of being virtual. And that, to me, really IS a covid blessing.
The last ten months has given us a new perspective. What happens a year from now, who knows? Whatever good we've gotten from this weird, awful time should not be abandoned. My hope and my prayer is the way forward takes the best of whatever blessings we've received and keep them going.
I probably won't see you in person any time soon. And though it's a shame -- I really, really miss hugs -- I also know that I can see you. When my wifi cooperates, I can see your face and hear your voice and be with you. And for that, I will be blessed.
Peace
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