While you might suggest I analyze my thought process about hosting, really, it's not necessary. The truth is that I have been organizing parties of all stripes since I was seven years old. I've been baking yeast breads since I was a teenager and I spend way too much time on Pinterest. You could suggest that I have a harder time receiving than giving and okay, I'll cop to that one, but...that's not what this is about. Truly, I *love* every aspect of bringing together people. Meals become opportunities for connection. So, that's why I am going to out myself here by saying it's actually ironic that I don't take up my guests' offers more. That I don't immediately say: YES, please bring me a side dish! Yes: a complicated salad, in fact, the more complicated, the better. You want to spend all day on a mole sauce? Please! Be my guest! Because I already know that I will love what they might bring.
I say "it's ironic" because I adore pot luck suppers and I know how transformative they can be. The brunches ...and lunches ...whatever meals... can become an opportunity for a group to come together -- in spirit as well as food.
Twice since July, I have been to extraordinary pot lucks which reminded me exactly why I love them.
In September, I went to Richmond, Virginia. It was my uncle's 90th birthday. He is a retired UU minister, the emeritus of his congregation, and we had two services which honored him. After the second service, a glorious lunch of "finger foods", appeared. Provided by members of the church, friends old and new, a beautiful array of fruits, salads, tiny sandwiches, and multiple birthday cakes was laid out on a line of tables. Since I think in terms of how something will look AND taste, I decided that food-on-a-stick would be my offering. I made portable caprese salad on skewers: small mozzarella balls interspersed with multicolored tiny tomatoes and fresh basil. Vinaigrette poured over. It was tasty AND fun.
At the end of July, I went to a wedding in Vermont that included a pot luck reception. It was as I have been describing: the most VERMONT thing ever. We were asked by the couple to bring an item to share and the recipe too. I knew instantly what I would make: my mother's baked beans. I decided on that because 1) I love them 2) they include maple syrup which the family produces 3) all pot lucks should have baked beans, to my mind. The array of food for that reception was glorious. Multiple salads, Indian curries, breads, a gorgeous lemon poppy seed cake with edible flowers AND five kinds of pies. Recipes were collected to be shared with all of us who went.
In both instances, I took my invitation as a chance to contribute to the celebration in a personal way. For both, many of us were involved in the set-up and clean-up. The conversations as we put out crock pots, ladles, cutting boards, and platters ran the gamut of politics and people to recipes and rituals. I left each event feeling like I had made a bunch of new friends.
Now a recognition: cooking isn't for everyone. Small talk can be debilitating for some. I know that. I am by all accounts an extrovert so yes, I find the small talk usually fine. I relish the serendipity of making new connections. Not everyone does. But something I have observed over time is that even my shy-er friends usually do pretty well at pot lucks, as long as the size of the group includes at least a few they know and the crowd isn't enormous. The other thing that is true is that food purchased is *fine* and adds a balance to the meal.
To me, the single delight of a pot luck is that it's all a wonderful surprise. An unusual taste, a new person. You have the opportunity to experience a slice of life you would not have, otherwise. And the simplicity of it is that it means that many hands come together. No one person carries the burden of the work -- assuming, of course, that several help with the clean-up.
Catering events is fine. At work, I do it all the time. But... when you come together and put something of *yourself* into an occasion? That's not just food; that's community. Not to put too fine a point on it, but honestly, I think the world could use a lot more pot lucks these days. To connect over something different and embrace it? Sounds pretty radical to me.
So your encore? Plan a pot luck. Who knows what you will get.
peace.
