I am not ordained. For years, I was obsessed with it and went so far as to go to an open house for a theological school that now, no longer exists. It seemed that to be legitimate meant to be ordained by my denomination and to have that credential. I have been at the Div School for fifteen years, which -- truly -- is an education for which I am paid. In my thirties, when I began to process of discernment, one my mentors told me: "Only go into ministry if you can't NOT do it." The life of giving oneself to it was a demanding one, she told me. But that didn't keep me from it. When I was at the point of applying -- at 39 -- I became pregnant with my first son. Then I had my second son.
If it sounds like I am saying; "Well, I would have gone into ministry but...", I'm not. I did go into ministry. I am a minister.
It has taken me a long time to claim this, to believe this to my core. At HDS, we say that we "define ministry broadly" which the absolute truth. Because I have been able to tell this to them, I have been able to let myself believe it, too.
This blog is dedicated to my Dad, who I have always said was first minister, though he, too, was never ordained a UU minister. For so many years, I have spoken about HIS ministry -- for surely, it was ministry -- and if I had a dollar for every time I've wished he was alive now so we could talk about what it takes to do this work in the world, I would be a very rich woman.
But. I have found my own ministerial voice. My own way. My church in Milton lets me lead worship once or twice a year, and the students at HDS do, too. It is a gift that brings me to tears. I am still learning and growing.
What is my message here? For many years, I doubted myself. It thought only orthodoxy and the prescribed path was the only way I could claim my identity. Self-doubt? Yes, of course.
My encore today is: when you consider your identity, who you are, what you love, stay with it. I don't know how long it will take you, but I can say that when you own truth, it rings clear as any bell.
Yesterday, my sermon was titled: A Very Good Friday. I preached on what Holy Week offers UUs to think about. I got some wonderful feedback afterwards. It felt good, crafting all of it. I felt like I was preaching with, not at, which matters to me. Communication, after all, is transactional: a two-way process.
So stay with it, friends. How you see yourself, who you are at your core, matters. Keep at, living -- or figuring out -- your truth.
Amen.
* AND my bonus for today is: I am part of a podcast! In February, First Parish in Milton started recording the services and mine was included. If you are curious what one of sermons sounds like, here it is. The sermon was titled: A Wide-Eyed Theology, which covers a bit about how UUs think.
Open your podcast app and go to “Open podcast by URL” and paste in the
following link: https://feed.podbean.com/fpmilton/feed.xml
If you are on iPhone it is under Podcasts app, Library, Edit
