Friends ~ As I write this, it is the end of the first week of December which in my world means that classes in the university where I work ended yesterday, and today begins the holy seasons of Reading Period and Finals. Students are worn down, strung out, and just basically cranky. In our region of the northeast, we recently experienced one of the wettest autumns on record: day after day of grey, dreary and miserable.
Then: into this mix also comes simultaneous secular and religious holidays. Lights are being lit at night, colors and music pop everywhere, and whether or not we are the ones who usually *love this stuff*, some years, it's just different. Maybe every year, it's difficult -- but you know you're going to be surrounded by it, anyway. So how in holy hell do we keep our heads on?
When I sit to write these pieces, I imagine you -- wherever, whoever you are -- may be feeling how I am. But sometimes, I don't. Sometimes it seems as though there are too many possibilities to hold it all...so I don't even try. That's when I just go with my gut. Today, I am going with my gut and what occurs to me is that whatever your age, whatever your employment status, your family structure or any other demographic you can name.... the common denominator this month is: exhaustion.
When I see someone who looks fried and *tells* me they're fried, I try to give them the best advice I can. In the last week, I have said no fewer than three times:
There's an old Zen Buddhist saying that goes something like this: You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unless you're too busy. In that case, you should meditate for an hour a day.
This saying is both about time and NOT about time.
I am not a Buddhist but I offer this up now because when we are exhausted -- physically, emotionally, spiritually -- some of us have the curious habit of expecting more from ourselves. Of course this isn't rational, but it's what we do, so let's take another step. Let's let ourselves be imperfect.
It's scary; I know it is. But think about this for a minute. IF you already know you are only in the first third of a month which -- let's face it - is probably going to be a marathon, don't you want to be as kind to yourself as you can?
I can't tell you what you need to do to accomplish this -- though I will share with you that I am including this element of meditation in my life. Literally. Yes, I have multiple baskets of laundry that need to be folded -- here I am: my imperfect self -- but I am still spending an hour each night letting myself unwind and just be. I also knit. Badly. I knit badly. When I was a teenager, someone showed me how to knit, purl, caste on, and caste off but that is my entire body of knowledge. I can't read patterns, can't understand those connected knitting needles, and I don't even try to understand how one knits with three needles at a time. I could take a class and maybe someday I will. But the point is that for me, it's been a kind of meditation. The soft, clicking rhythm of creating something is a mantra that lifts me outside of myself. So many have written about knitting in the last decade that my embrace of it sounds silly, given what others can create. BUT...that's not the point, for me. For me, it's just the doing it -- dropped stitches and all.
So, friends, wherever you are and whatever your journeys in this darkest time of year in the Northern Hemisphere, I pray that you can let yourselves let yourselves retreat and rest. Let stuff go. The perfect *anything* is a trap. Look in the mirror, embrace the imperfect, then crawl into bed and maybe, just be.
Peace.
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