On Reunions (Again!)

A week ago today, I was at my 45th high school reunion. 

I have written about reunions before (https://whattodoforanencore.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-joys-of-high-school-reunions-really.html?m=1) In fact, that post was read more than any other blog post I ever wrote which is still amazing to me.

Five years ago, everything was a revelation.  That I could do it, go back and face my anxieties. I did, and it was one of the best leaps of faith I ever took. Spoiler: what you realize when you go is that it isn't your 16-year old self that going. It's your decades-older-and-wiser self. I wondered: how was this year going to go? Was our 40th an outlier? 

A related thing -- at least for me, it's related -- is that I work at a university. Yes, I work at THAT university. Big, famous, smart, blah, blah, blah. Students who go there call this "the H bomb", because of everything that's assumed. Some is true; some is not but for me: it's been a really good job that suits what I discovered were skills. People say: "oh, you must be super-smart to work there" which I promise is NOT how interviews go. Working at a school is not the same as being admitted TO a school. Nevertheless, this relates because in high school, I was a mediocre student. I *loved* my English classes but otherwise, could not get myself to care about anything else, which always meant a terrible report card. "You can do so much better," I was told, repeatedly. I don't remember thinking that I could or couldn't at the time. I just knew I wasn't going to. Honestly, I felt stupid.

I have said before that I had stayed away from reunions because I didn't feel "good enough". It was going back five years ago that showed me sad that assumption is. I think about what education means a lot. For many many years, I thought education was only about grades. It's kind of a cliche that we wish we could go back and tell our younger selves how much of that crap DOESN'T matter but I really wish I could.

I can't go back but last weekend I said it repeatedly: that crap from our youth doesn't matter. What matters is now.

Our class has had losses in the last five years. We're getting to that age. Folks are retiring; few of us have parents alive any more. We are aging.

And yet. Yet, there is something about those of us born in 1960-ish. We are technically Baby Boomers but really, we are not. We are our own thing. There is something perpetually youthful about us. Don't believe me? You should have seen the guys from my class dressed head to foot like a hot dog, walking by the float in the parade. You should have seen us dancing at the reunion. There is a kind of impish, creative spirit we have. Ageless, engaged, connected.

I am delighted to report that last weekend was as much of a joyful revelation as it was five years ago. There were people I saw this time who weren't there for our 40th. I picked up where I left off with the ones I saw before, and I shared a room with two classmates, one of whom I literally hadn't seen since graduation. She shared with me a memory, going back to 7th grade when I was going through hell at home. She offered me kind compassion; I had no idea she knew. It was like having a hundred siblings around.

If you are assuming that this group is homogenous, I promise you: we are not. We are a diverse group with differing opinions. One example: in the parking lot at our reunion were two vehicles with bumper stickers. One said "NH Tea Party - Don't Tread on Me" and across the lot, another vehicle with a bright yellow sticker with a snake and the words: "Sweetie, No One's Treading On You." When we are together, we put that aside. That's not what we're there for. We are there to be together.

And so, we came together. We put together an amazing float for the parade, theme: Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Chevrolet. We got soaked during the parade when a downpour opened up on us. AND we won first prize. We took down the float afterwards, eating pizza and laughing that sure, NOW the rain stops!! And we gathered at night, connecting and reconnecting.

In the movie Cars, James Taylor sings the theme song; Our Town. When I first heard, it just broke my heart. I thought: Dear God, this is about Claremont. It's not, but it could have been. Claremont. "You never see it coming when the world caves in on you." Like so many small towns. "Lights don't shine as brightly as they shone before". Yes, my youth in Claremont was different than it is now. It still makes me sad but the refrain goes "it's own town, love it anyway. It's our town." It is. No you can't go back to your youth. You can't go back in time. But you CAN live in the now. Last weekend, our older-and-wiser selves got together. In five years, God willing, most of us will still be here to gather for the milestone: our 50th reunion. The last time I wrote about reunions, I said that my takeaway advice was: Go to the reunions. Make the connections. This year, I say it again. Go. Life is too short not to live.

Peace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP8JS-MjG5c